the sweatcatcher: smell better in 3 easy steps

(Remember the blog cleanup project I was doing, like, aaaages ago? I found this sitting in “drafts” and figured it would make a good Friday post—you know, in case you’re looking for a weekend project. It’s originally from blogspot Gracetopia.)

If you are looking for a do-it-yourself, eco-friendly alternative to deodorant, look no further! You all, of course, know what an underarm guard is. Now you can make one yourself!

Wait, you don’t know? Oh. Okay. Here’s a review of Garment Guard’s “Underarm Shields,” which, after a quick google, seem to be in charge of the market. They are basically little, like, flat shoulder pads that you stick to your clothes where your armpit goes. They provide a barrier between your underarm sweat and your clothes. Sexy.

But you have to keep throwing them away, which a) can get costly and b) causes more waste which makes our environment unhappy. But thanks to the good folks at wikihow, we now have a solution!

It involves, uh, straps and wires and socks and baking soda and safety pins and… matches. Keep in mind if you wear a bra you might be able to skip the harness step, and you can always vary the amount of baking soda based on “circumstance.”

But beware. There are downsides to the sweatcatcher, as outlined in the Warnings! section.

Although decreased body odor may initially make you more attractive to the opposite sex, discovery of the apparatus could be a shock to your partner that inhibits intimacy. Find an excuse to use the restroom and remove the guards before any situation where your shirt may be removed.

I find that dying of laughter does inhibit intimacy, yes. So be careful.

I would like to thank Princess Penelope for bringing this to my attention. And now you can’t say you don’t ever learn anything useful on this blog.

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