file under: it’s hard to be a rock star

“How goes your life, Grace?” I hear you ask. “Glamorous as usual?”

Well, internet, let me tell you.

My Halloween costume this year involves 5-inch red stilettos (purely by accident, really—I needed cheap red heels that I could maim and that’s what Target had) which seemed like a great idea when I was standing stationary in Target but a very poor idea once I started trying to walk to the Halloween party on Saturday. Suffice to say, I was half a block out of my front door when I tripped on the crooked Boston sidewalk (it jumped at me I swear) and went ass over teakettle onto the cement.

My helpful neighbors called from their porch, asking if I needed Neosporin. Which was sweet in its way, but I was busy pretending I hadn’t fallen over so I just smiled and waved.

I don't understand why this picture exists, but it seems fitting.

You will be glad to know that I soldiered on even with a skinned knee, a square inch of skin scraped off my ankle (it is now bright bright pink), a twisted ankle, and my dignity shaken. When you’re as fabulous as I am, something like a minor abrasion does not faze you.

And then last night I was trying to re-dye the blue part of my hair and ended up looking like a Smurf, but that is a story for another day.

We rock stars must suffer for our art, truly.

searching every whiiaaiiiaaiich awayayayay*

So I am currently apartment-hunting. And LET ME TELL YOU—wtf. This shit is stressful.

#1: I hate talking on the phone. I HATE talking on the phone to strangers. If you’re lucky enough to be one of the, like, 5 people I’ve ever spoken to on the phone, you will fondly remember the giggling, the “uhhms,” the awkward pauses, and probably the fact that I didn’t actually answer the first 7 times you called. So I am restricting myself mostly to ads that have email-reply options (which, wtf Grace, get over it) and then when I DO have to talk to people on the phone I sound like a complete idiot because I’m trying to figure out the quickest way to hang up.

#2: Boston is fucking expensive, yo. I’m looking for my own place, sans roommates but with cat (yes, I’m about to join the ranks of 20-something unmarried women living by themselves with a cat) and anything above my basic standards of cleanliness and security are like $WOW$. Le sigh.

#3: My desired location, budget, and move-in date are all so flexible that I’m looking at too many properties and really have no idea what I want. I have this problem where I like whatever area I happen to be in at the moment, so I’ll go look at a place and be like “oh this neighborhood is awesome” no matter where I am. Which—yeah, I really need to narrow some of this stuff down. Rawr.

#4: I keep finding places I like that either a) aren’t as cool in person or b) GET RENTED before I even have a chance to look at them. My trigger finger is sloooow.

All this whining, I make it sound like I’ve been shopping for months. Really not. Only like, a week or two seriously. But GAH this is horrible I’m going to run away to the Appalachian Mountains and run barefoot through some meadows and camp under the stars. That sounds good. I can telecommute from there, right?

*name that song

will you guys still like me if I’m boring?

Got my new glasses today. Plus side: I CAN SEEEEEEEEEE!

Downside: I already miss my red stripey frames. These new frames, while doing a really good job of holding the lenses, are not nearly so interesting as my last ones. I like the shape, and I like the black (I went for a straight-up geek look), but… they’re not exactly boring, they just… aren’t as QUIRKY. And if I am anything, I am QUIRKY.

Here are the new glasses in question:

So that is what I look like now. Usually my hair is better and I’m not making that face. Usually.

And now, I am going to fight the cat out out of the EXACT MIDDLE of the bed and get some ZZZs, because tomorrow is the big company-wide outing to a fun island of fun, where I will pwn everyone with my mad softball skills.

houston, we have a problem

So I was born with a superpower.

I never get lost.

That’s right. You have no idea how awesome this is. I always know which way is north (although sometimes I have a few moments of frightening disorientation when I come out of a subway) and even if I don’t know what streets are doing I can point and say, “we want to be going that way.” Distances I’m not great with, but direction I got down.

And maps. I can look at a map once, figure out how to get from Point A to Point B, and get there no matter what. Even if I have to take a detour for some reason, I get there there 1-2-3 easy.

However.

My superpower appears to be horribly broken.

A couple of weeks ago it took me 30 minutes to walk to someone’s house 5 minutes from mine. I knew where I was going, I had looked at a map and received directions from my roommate, and seriously it was like 2 turns. 5 minutes. Took me 30. I do not know what happened. The streets just—weren’t doing the right thing. I’d find the right street and then lose it, even though I was on it. It was seriously like being in the twilight zone.

And then today.

I was on Boylston. And then I wasn’t. And then there was a train track in the way when I tried to circle back. It took me almost 45 minutes, again to go about two blocks. (I turned the wrong way at an intersection. If I had turned the correct way I would have been there in 5.)

So, seriously. WTF, world. You can’t just give a girl a superpower and then take it away without warning!! I am not used to being lost I don’t know how to handle it. HELP ME OBI-WAN KENOBI.