just when I was getting comfortable

So there I was, minding my owns, when I heard a scraping noise. Scraping noises in my home can usually be ascribed to the cat, but she happened to be sitting on the chair next to me, so I went to investigate. I found, sticking through my door, a notice from the landlord informing me that if I choose to renew my lease in August, they will be raising my rent by 10%. I have until the end of this month to resign or not.

I think Prince pretty well sums up my reaction:

So now I have to figure out wtf I’m doing. My preference would be to stay here, at the same rent or something close, so I’m going to call the landlord and see if that works out. I’m not hopeful, though, so it’s likely that I’m moving. Again.

And man, I really don’t want to go through the whole apartment-finding process for a second time in a year. But this place isn’t worth the extra 10%. It’s really not.

And I was so happy to move into my own place.

the sweatcatcher: smell better in 3 easy steps

(Remember the blog cleanup project I was doing, like, aaaages ago? I found this sitting in “drafts” and figured it would make a good Friday post—you know, in case you’re looking for a weekend project. It’s originally from blogspot Gracetopia.)

If you are looking for a do-it-yourself, eco-friendly alternative to deodorant, look no further! You all, of course, know what an underarm guard is. Now you can make one yourself!

Wait, you don’t know? Oh. Okay. Here’s a review of Garment Guard’s “Underarm Shields,” which, after a quick google, seem to be in charge of the market. They are basically little, like, flat shoulder pads that you stick to your clothes where your armpit goes. They provide a barrier between your underarm sweat and your clothes. Sexy.

But you have to keep throwing them away, which a) can get costly and b) causes more waste which makes our environment unhappy. But thanks to the good folks at wikihow, we now have a solution!

It involves, uh, straps and wires and socks and baking soda and safety pins and… matches. Keep in mind if you wear a bra you might be able to skip the harness step, and you can always vary the amount of baking soda based on “circumstance.”

But beware. There are downsides to the sweatcatcher, as outlined in the Warnings! section.

Although decreased body odor may initially make you more attractive to the opposite sex, discovery of the apparatus could be a shock to your partner that inhibits intimacy. Find an excuse to use the restroom and remove the guards before any situation where your shirt may be removed.

I find that dying of laughter does inhibit intimacy, yes. So be careful.

I would like to thank Princess Penelope for bringing this to my attention. And now you can’t say you don’t ever learn anything useful on this blog.

France does Star Wars

Currently baking (burning?) bread, but I had to pop by to share this.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on, but my god it is fabulous.

This blog is not responsible for any laughter-related injuries you may experience from viewing this video.

Special thanks to Hardcore Nerdity for bringing it to my attention.

dusk

I have a confession to make.

I am about to—willingly—watch Twilight.

I know. I know.

There’s going to be much of teh beer and Rifftrax involved, but even in my mind that doesn’t make up for the sacrilege I am about to commit. I mean, when I tried to read the book (in a bookstore), I read 20 pages in about 45 seconds and just about gouged my eyes out. The info I’ve gleaned from reviews makes me want to vomit (uh, hello idealizing an abusive relationship?). And, I mean, come on—sparkly vampires??

I expect to spend the entire movie slightly nauseated, but not because I’ve hit my head. (I would blame this viewing on the head injury, but I think I’ve already used up all of my “concussion points.”) So. Starting drinking… now.

houston, we have a problem

So I was born with a superpower.

I never get lost.

That’s right. You have no idea how awesome this is. I always know which way is north (although sometimes I have a few moments of frightening disorientation when I come out of a subway) and even if I don’t know what streets are doing I can point and say, “we want to be going that way.” Distances I’m not great with, but direction I got down.

And maps. I can look at a map once, figure out how to get from Point A to Point B, and get there no matter what. Even if I have to take a detour for some reason, I get there there 1-2-3 easy.

However.

My superpower appears to be horribly broken.

A couple of weeks ago it took me 30 minutes to walk to someone’s house 5 minutes from mine. I knew where I was going, I had looked at a map and received directions from my roommate, and seriously it was like 2 turns. 5 minutes. Took me 30. I do not know what happened. The streets just—weren’t doing the right thing. I’d find the right street and then lose it, even though I was on it. It was seriously like being in the twilight zone.

And then today.

I was on Boylston. And then I wasn’t. And then there was a train track in the way when I tried to circle back. It took me almost 45 minutes, again to go about two blocks. (I turned the wrong way at an intersection. If I had turned the correct way I would have been there in 5.)

So, seriously. WTF, world. You can’t just give a girl a superpower and then take it away without warning!! I am not used to being lost I don’t know how to handle it. HELP ME OBI-WAN KENOBI.